With Christmas just a week away I ventured out to my local mall to do a little
Christmas shopping while the crowds were minimal. As usual, I had to do a
little People Watching. (After all, I was a Communication Major!) In
the jewelry stores were women looking at men’s jewelry but more so, men looking
at gifts for women. I watched as the men stood like deer staring at
headlights coming and went along with whatever the pretty young associate
recommended. The poor fellas never had a chance. They just handed
over their credit cards and walked bewildered out of the store. Then I
walked by Victoria’s Secret. I think all those pretty young female
associates shop there, but that’s not what I’m there to see. There are
always two or three guys in there who look like they are being watched for
shoplifting. They appear uncomfortable and nervous. Once in a while
the will walk over to some lingerie and look intently. Then a woman comes
near and the turnaround as if they didn’t know the display was near them.
You can see the panic building inside them as they are interested in buying
something special for that special someone but do not want to look like a
pervert. I take such pleasure in watching because I would be that guy if I
went in the store. My problem is I am a talker so I enlist the help of a
store clerk. They are always nice but I am a salesperson’s dream in that
place. Tell me my wife needs it and it’s going in the bag. If only
it were that simple. You, as a man, might think you have your bases
covered with bra or panty sizes but it’s not that simple. What cut should
the panties be? What do you want them made of? What color do you
want? Are they supposed to match the bra? Who would know,
anyway? Are they even CALLED panties anymore or is that dating me too
much? Then there are bras. Where should the strap be? Should
it be in close or out wide? Should there be one at all. Do you want
a push-up bra? (That doesn’t sound too comfortable) Then again, if
you give a push-up bra, what message are you sending? That won’t end well.
As for lingerie, what size do you get? Apparently not all sizes fit the
same. If you buy something too small, she is going to feel fat. If
you buy something too big, she will think YOU are saying she IS fat. Good
luck ever seeing that article of clothing on her. And what do you
call the lingerie? Is it a teddy? There’s some sort of thing with
garters and hose that looks like it would tear you dress shirts to shreds in the
washer. Having watched the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is no
help. What do you say? “I want what the fifth girl in was wearing. I
think she had wings on.” Yeah; that’ll help you find it. The nice
lady helping you is sympathetic and you don’t want her to think you’re obsessed
with sex so you try to cover with an unoffensive statement. “Is that
comfortable to wear?” Wrong question! Though they assure you it is I
have a hard time believing any of that clothing I’m looking at is
comfortable. The longer you’re in there, the more you want to run for the
exit. By the time the poor guy in the store is done he has a bag full of
landmines he has been talked into that are set to explode on December
25th. He even has a bottle of the newest fragrance because it was a great
deal with the other items. It makes you think the guys in the jewelry
stores didn’t have it so bad after all.
Christmas shopping while the crowds were minimal. As usual, I had to do a
little People Watching. (After all, I was a Communication Major!) In
the jewelry stores were women looking at men’s jewelry but more so, men looking
at gifts for women. I watched as the men stood like deer staring at
headlights coming and went along with whatever the pretty young associate
recommended. The poor fellas never had a chance. They just handed
over their credit cards and walked bewildered out of the store. Then I
walked by Victoria’s Secret. I think all those pretty young female
associates shop there, but that’s not what I’m there to see. There are
always two or three guys in there who look like they are being watched for
shoplifting. They appear uncomfortable and nervous. Once in a while
the will walk over to some lingerie and look intently. Then a woman comes
near and the turnaround as if they didn’t know the display was near them.
You can see the panic building inside them as they are interested in buying
something special for that special someone but do not want to look like a
pervert. I take such pleasure in watching because I would be that guy if I
went in the store. My problem is I am a talker so I enlist the help of a
store clerk. They are always nice but I am a salesperson’s dream in that
place. Tell me my wife needs it and it’s going in the bag. If only
it were that simple. You, as a man, might think you have your bases
covered with bra or panty sizes but it’s not that simple. What cut should
the panties be? What do you want them made of? What color do you
want? Are they supposed to match the bra? Who would know,
anyway? Are they even CALLED panties anymore or is that dating me too
much? Then there are bras. Where should the strap be? Should
it be in close or out wide? Should there be one at all. Do you want
a push-up bra? (That doesn’t sound too comfortable) Then again, if
you give a push-up bra, what message are you sending? That won’t end well.
As for lingerie, what size do you get? Apparently not all sizes fit the
same. If you buy something too small, she is going to feel fat. If
you buy something too big, she will think YOU are saying she IS fat. Good
luck ever seeing that article of clothing on her. And what do you
call the lingerie? Is it a teddy? There’s some sort of thing with
garters and hose that looks like it would tear you dress shirts to shreds in the
washer. Having watched the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is no
help. What do you say? “I want what the fifth girl in was wearing. I
think she had wings on.” Yeah; that’ll help you find it. The nice
lady helping you is sympathetic and you don’t want her to think you’re obsessed
with sex so you try to cover with an unoffensive statement. “Is that
comfortable to wear?” Wrong question! Though they assure you it is I
have a hard time believing any of that clothing I’m looking at is
comfortable. The longer you’re in there, the more you want to run for the
exit. By the time the poor guy in the store is done he has a bag full of
landmines he has been talked into that are set to explode on December
25th. He even has a bottle of the newest fragrance because it was a great
deal with the other items. It makes you think the guys in the jewelry
stores didn’t have it so bad after all.
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