The Dreaded Mall Cart @Solsticepublish

This was actually supposed to be the topic of yesterday’s blog but I was
sidetracked by the folly of Victoria’s Secret.  So there I was, People
Watching in the mall.  It was busy for a Tuesday and I was surprised by the
number of customers milling about.  Most people we shopping in pairs. 
Individuals were always fast paced.  I figured that was because they knew
what they wanted and were in a hurry to get in and get out.  It turns out
there could have been another reason.  Mall Carts!  You know the carts
in the middle of the aisle in the mall?  Every time I passed one, a
salesperson tried to engage me with their product.  It started with the
cell phone case guy.  “Do you have a case for your phone?”  “Yes”, I
replied with disinterest.  “Well we have different colored ones and ones
where you can drop your phone on the ground and it will be alright.”  I
smiled and kept going.  “Thanks, but no thanks”, I said.  Right after
him was the remote-controlled helicopter stand.  He used the remote to
swerve the craft around my head.  “Do you want to try?” he asked. 
“It’s really easy and fun.  You can even do it indoors.”  The thought
of a remote-controlled helicopter zooming through my house was terrifying. 
It reminded me of the commercial where it is flown into the Christmas
tree.  I figured that was just begging for trouble so I respectfully
declined.  Each vendor tried to stop me.  We had the “Magic Magnet”
shoe insoles, the heated massage rocks, the custom letters for your house so you
can spell your name in style and the infinity lights.  (They look like they
are made of paper machete and glow.)  The funny part of it all was that
people were stopping and trying the demonstrations.  I brushed passed the
sunglass stand, the cosmetics cart and a few others in an effort to just reach
my wife in Bath and Body Works.  It was like a carnival where you’re
walking down the midway and everyone wants you to try their game.  At last,
my goal was in sight!  Bath and Body Works was just ahead.  As I
neared the door a gentleman stepped in my path and held out something that
looked like a communicator from Star Trek.  “Care for a massage?” he
asked.  “No thank you”, I replied.  Then a second gentleman stood next
to him.  “You should really try it.  It’s amazing!”  They were in
my path and so I stepped around.  “Where are you going?” one asked. 
For some reason I answered, “I am going to meet my wife.”  “Well bring her
back with you”, the man said.  “We’ll massage you both!”  That didn’t
sound even the slightest bit appealing to me.  When I entered Bath and Body
Works the female employees saw me and flocked to my aid.  It makes
sense.  A guy going in there this time of year probably is gift shopping
and is as lost as I would be if I was actually shopping.  They all asked if
I needed help and told me the specials.  Some pointed at products and said
what was new.  I appreciated the assistance and all but I just wanted to
find my wife.  At last I saw her and ran over to her side.  I gave her
a great hug and all the sales associates disappeared.  Yes, my wife is
salesman Kryptonite!  I wonder if it would have worked at the stands. 
Probably not.  They likely would have pestered us more.  For the
moment, however, I was safe.  I told my wife, “Unless you want some weird
guys to give you a massage, we’ll head out that door.”