I was taught as a child that everyone is the best at something; even if that
thing is just being yourself. Well I have looked over my life and
determined that I have a claim to fame after all. I am the World’s Worst
Gift Giver…who has a very good reason each time. A lot of people really
screw up the gift giving at this time of year but I actually put weeks and
sometimes months of thought into my blunders. How my wife has not divorced
me yet is beyond me. Let me give you some examples. I once gave a
great gift to my wife of a Winnie the Pooh jacket that eventually wore
out. I spent every Christmas for 8 years looking for another one like
it. I finally found something similar on E-bay. I confirmed my
wife’s size and it matched! I paid…well…a lot but won it. Then on
Christmas day I found out the size I was given by my wife was the Men’s
size. I bought the Women’s size. It only fit my youngest daughter
who refused to where it. Another time I was sent to buy a purse for my
wife. I even brought a female friend along and a list of all the qualities
necessary. After 7 hours of shopping I found it. I went to 13 stores
but I finally found the purse that met all the criteria. My wife opened it
up, thanked me and hung it on the closet doorknob for several years until my
daughter snagged it. Somehow I totally missed the mark. I bought my
boss a fine bottle of scotch once because I knew he liked various high end
brands. It turns out I bought the one he drank with his friend who died of
cancer and he hasn’t bought a bottle since. Then I gave him one. The
man nearly cried. I bought my children a Wii a few years ago and the game
Dance, Dance Revolution. I didn’t know you needed a dance pad with it to
make the game work. Then I couldn’t return the opened game and the pad was
only available in a bundle with a new game. Just my luck. I thought
I would try something different and give my wife a gift card to a massage
spa. That was three years ago and the card is still unused. She is
afraid she will like it too much and want to keep going at great expense.
She is so sweet, but I blew it again. I bought my son a hat when I was
away on business. I bought a large but did not see the word “Youth” on the
label. It only fit on the dog’s head. I have bought flowers that
died the next day. Then I bought chocolates that never were eaten.
They were the wrong kind. I really mean well but I can’t get this gift
giving thing down. It has reached the point where I ask people if
they want a certain item and only buy it if they say yes. It ruins the
surprise but it is the only way I can get it right. Sometimes I have the
children save the web page for me so I don’t mess it up. I am the King of
Well Intentioned Screw Ups.
thing is just being yourself. Well I have looked over my life and
determined that I have a claim to fame after all. I am the World’s Worst
Gift Giver…who has a very good reason each time. A lot of people really
screw up the gift giving at this time of year but I actually put weeks and
sometimes months of thought into my blunders. How my wife has not divorced
me yet is beyond me. Let me give you some examples. I once gave a
great gift to my wife of a Winnie the Pooh jacket that eventually wore
out. I spent every Christmas for 8 years looking for another one like
it. I finally found something similar on E-bay. I confirmed my
wife’s size and it matched! I paid…well…a lot but won it. Then on
Christmas day I found out the size I was given by my wife was the Men’s
size. I bought the Women’s size. It only fit my youngest daughter
who refused to where it. Another time I was sent to buy a purse for my
wife. I even brought a female friend along and a list of all the qualities
necessary. After 7 hours of shopping I found it. I went to 13 stores
but I finally found the purse that met all the criteria. My wife opened it
up, thanked me and hung it on the closet doorknob for several years until my
daughter snagged it. Somehow I totally missed the mark. I bought my
boss a fine bottle of scotch once because I knew he liked various high end
brands. It turns out I bought the one he drank with his friend who died of
cancer and he hasn’t bought a bottle since. Then I gave him one. The
man nearly cried. I bought my children a Wii a few years ago and the game
Dance, Dance Revolution. I didn’t know you needed a dance pad with it to
make the game work. Then I couldn’t return the opened game and the pad was
only available in a bundle with a new game. Just my luck. I thought
I would try something different and give my wife a gift card to a massage
spa. That was three years ago and the card is still unused. She is
afraid she will like it too much and want to keep going at great expense.
She is so sweet, but I blew it again. I bought my son a hat when I was
away on business. I bought a large but did not see the word “Youth” on the
label. It only fit on the dog’s head. I have bought flowers that
died the next day. Then I bought chocolates that never were eaten.
They were the wrong kind. I really mean well but I can’t get this gift
giving thing down. It has reached the point where I ask people if
they want a certain item and only buy it if they say yes. It ruins the
surprise but it is the only way I can get it right. Sometimes I have the
children save the web page for me so I don’t mess it up. I am the King of
Well Intentioned Screw Ups.
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